The north star

The Container Goals.

The container is the room and the agreements that hold it. These twelve are how we each hold it — practices, not rules. Nobody polices them; anyone can name them.

Twelve goals, read as invitations:

1. Confidentiality is key

   Nothing leaves this room with a name or other identifying details attached. If you want an even higher level of discretion — for example, nothing repeated at all — say so when you share, and we’ll honor it.

2. Witness first

   We’re here to witness and be witnessed — be quick to listen, slow to speak, and as present as possible.

3. Receive fully

   Don’t shrink from love, praise, or reflection. This space is for expanding capacity — including the capacity to absorb and savor positivity.

4. Curiosity over certainty

   We ask powerful questions, and trust each person’s process. Our job is to help others reflect, not hand out conclusions.

5. Trust the capacity of others

   Every person is on their own unique path with innate strength and capability. We honor the experience of others rather than trying to fix or change it.

6. Speak cleanly

   Aim to differentiate between the objective truth, your subjective truth, and your interpretation. Be clear which one you’re sharing. This is not a space for dogmatism.

7. Ownership language

   When sharing personal experiences or subjective truths, use personal pronouns like “I,” “me,” and “my,” and avoid speaking for others with plurals like “us” or “we.”

8. Triggers are teachers

   When something activates you, the invitation is to speak it: what’s happening in your body, your mind, your memory. The value is in naming, owning, and feeling it — not managing it quietly.

9. Empowerment over victimhood

   Pain is honored, but helplessness isn’t reinforced. Notice the impulse to rescue, the urge to cast a villain, or the ache to be saved — and step out of all three.

10. Repair with intention

    If and when conflict arises between members, take it to the person, not around them. No gossip, recruiting allies, or side-taking. Rupture is part of life, repair is part of the work.

11. Friendship first

    This is not a dating circle — it is a space intended for platonic connection. If romantic interest does arise, explore it with discernment, integrity, and respect for the container — the RBDSMA framework is the standard.

12. Come prepared

    Every gathering has its own shared ground — arrive having done whatever it asks. At our Tuesday Night Deep Dives that means the assigned reading: if you’re not read-up, we ask that you contribute by listening in the large circle and save participation for the small groups.