The Book Of Joy Deep Dive #1: Defining Joy

The Mantras Book Club gathered last night for our first deep dive into The Book Of Joy, reading through the section titled, "Nothing Beautiful Comes Without Some Suffering".

Last night’s book club gathered around a timeless question: What is joy, really? In small groups, we began by exploring our own definitions before diving into The Book of Joy by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

Joy as Radical Self-Acceptance

One insight shared was that joy often slips away when we’re rejecting parts of ourselves or striving for something we don’t yet have. When we soften into full self-acceptance, we create the space for joy to flourish.

Joy as a Choice

A powerful theme emerged: Joy is an actionable principle, not just a fleeting feeling. Unlike happiness, which is often tied to external circumstances, joy is something we can cultivate and embody no matter what life brings.

The Dalai Lama’s reminder anchored this:
"If something can be done, what need is there for dejection? If nothing can be done, what use is there for being dejected?"

When Joy Feels Inaccessible

The conversation turned tender as we acknowledged the moments when joy feels out of reach. These aren’t failures but invitations. Our capacity for joy actually grows during these seasons of struggle.

Practical tools we discussed:

Breathwork to calm the nervous system

Practicing gratitude, even in the smallest things

Using body language to shift state

Giving joy to others when we can’t feel it ourselves

Asking, “What is this teaching me?” instead of “Why is this happening?”

Joy vs. Happiness

As the Archbishop writes: “Joy is much bigger than happiness. While happiness is often seen as being dependent on external circumstances, joy is not.” (p. 3)

We reflected on how joy is felt deeply in the body and can be called upon like a memory, while happiness often feels more fleeting and circumstantial.

Joy Resilience: Observing vs. Becoming

Page 12 offered this beautiful truth:
“We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreak without being broken.”

This led us into a discussion about joy resilience—how we can face suffering with presence and openness rather than closing off. How when we are able to observe the emotions and experiences we are having and not become them, we are able to return to our beings natural stay of joy much quicker.

The Zone of Joy

Just as athletes practice “getting into the zone,” we can train ourselves to access joy more easily. By recalling a vivid memory of joy—where we were, how our body felt, what we saw, smelled, or heard—we can anchor into that state and strengthen it like a muscle.

Key Takeaways

Joy is a daily practice, not just a fleeting emotion

Struggles can deepen our capacity for joy

Joy becomes more powerful when shared in community

3 Reflective Questions for You:

How would you describe the difference between joy and happiness in your life? What are some examples of when you’ve experienced each?

What does joy resilience mean to you? How can you stay open-hearted in times of challenge?

What practice or memory could serve as your “north star” for joy—a way to reconnect with it even when it feels distant?

✨ Feel Free to include which questions you chose to answer in your comments below.

Join us next week as we cover the sections titled, "Have You Renounced Pleasure?" through "You Are a Masterpiece in the Making".

Keep Choosing Joy & Keep Going Within.

Much Love,

Mantras