The Queen's Code Deep Dive #2: Emasculation, Admiration & the Dance of Power
Reflections on Masculine-Feminine Dynamics from The Queen’s Code (pages 72 to 130).
Our most recent book club gathering was a powerful exploration of the dance between masculine and feminine energies—how they clash, how they call each other forward, and how healing is possible when we meet each other with curiosity instead of fear.
Together, we dove into Alison Armstrong’s The Queen’s Code, unpacking deep themes like emasculation, objectification, admiration, and emotional expression. What unfolded was a dynamic, vulnerable, and thought-provoking exchange between men and women—one of our richest discussions to date.
The Roots of Emasculation: Safety or Control?
We began by exploring why some women instinctively diminish men’s power. As Claudia in the book shares, this often comes from a learned belief that strong men are unsafe—especially when that strength hasn’t been paired with presence or integrity.
While emasculation may create a temporary sense of control, it ultimately undermines the very safety and connection we crave.
“When women feel threatened by men’s power, they emasculate.
When men feel threatened by women’s power, they objectify.
Either both sexes win—or both lose.”
This conversation set the tone for deeper reflections on how men and women can meet one another from trust, not defense.
Admiration vs. Objectification
A standout discussion emerged around how to differentiate admiration from objectification. While both may involve physical attraction, the energy and intention behind them make all the difference.
Objectification reduces someone to a single dimension.
Admiration honors the full being—including beauty, effort, and soul.
“Objectification is seeing the form.
Admiration is seeing the divinity in the form.”
This distinction helped shift the conversation from fear and shame into deeper understanding—and even reverence.
Processing Rage & Emotional Expression
We also explored how men have been conditioned to suppress emotions—especially anger—and how this shows up in relationships.
Some men shared experiences of displacing rage onto objects instead of people. Others reflected on how true emotional safety—especially in intimate partnerships—has allowed them to connect with and express their feelings more constructively.
“For me, the shift happened when I stopped hiding and started trusting the person I was with.”
This sparked a collective insight: emotional intelligence is not innate—it’s learned, practiced, and often forged through pain.
Emasculation & Objectification: A Vicious Cycle
The group discussed how these patterns feed into each other:
When men are emasculated, they pull away.
That distance creates suspicion.
Fear replaces intimacy—and objectification becomes easier than connection.
One insight from the book stuck with the group:
“If you give him enough power to handle you, he won’t need to steal yours through objectification.”
The challenge: Can we trust each other with our full power?
Real Questions, Real Connection
In a powerful closing segment, men and women exchanged genuine questions across gender lines.
From Women to Men:
How can I create safety for you to lead?
Why do you often defer instead of choosing?
Men responded with honesty—many had learned to avoid decision-making to prevent conflict. Others shared how years of being second-guessed led to disengagement.
From Men to Women:
What feels like objectification vs. admiration?
How can we approach you authentically without triggering fear?
Women offered clarity:
Intent matters.
Eye contact matters.
Seeing beyond appearance—and naming it with respect—feels honoring, not objectifying.
“Tell me I’m beautiful—but also show me you want to know me.”
Closing Insights: The Healing Is Mutual
As the evening wrapped, we reflected on the real-time healing happening in our group.
Men are learning to:
Hold presence without control
Express emotion without shame
Lead without domination
Women are learning to:
Put down the sword of criticism
Trust without losing themselves
Speak needs directly instead of testing
The circle closed with a grounding reminder:
When you walk out of here, others will feel the shift in you.
Keep going within. Keep showing up whole.
Reflect & Share
Choose any of the following reflection questions and share your answer in the comments. Be sure to include the number of the question you're responding to:
Reflective Questions:
In what ways have you emasculated or objectified others—intentionally or unintentionally—and what would it look like to shift that pattern?
What does admiration (vs. objectification) mean to you, and how can you practice it more consciously in your relationships?
How can you better express your emotions or create emotional safety for others?
Drop your answer in the comments below—we’d love to hear your voice. 💛
Let us know which question you're answering, and let’s continue the conversation with compassion, honesty, and curiosity.
Much love,
Mantras Movement