Getting Real Deep Dive #3: Presence Over Perfection
Book Club Recap: Vulnerability, Control, and the Art of Holding Space
Last night’s book club gathering was a masterclass in conscious connection. With Getting Real by Susan Campbell (covering pages 122 to 137) as our compass, we stepped into new terrain—where emotional honesty meets grounded presence, and the illusion of control dissolves into authentic self-awareness. From confronting our deepest fears to redefining what it means to hold space, the evening revealed the power of showing up real over right.
Clearing the Air: Vulnerability Sets the Tone
We opened with one brother naming an experience from the previous week—a moment that could’ve brought shame, but instead became a living demonstration of what it means to get real. His honesty cleared the space, setting the tone for radical presence and trust.
Insight: Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s leadership. When one person chooses realness, it creates permission for others to do the same.
From Body to Emotion: Dropping Into Presence
Through a 3-round partner exercise, we dropped into our present-moment experience:
Round 1: Sensations – what’s alive in the body
Round 2: Thoughts – what’s moving through the mind
Round 3: Feelings – naming what’s real emotionally
Revelation: Most of us realized how rarely we just feel without analyzing, fixing, or protecting. The practice of presence brought us back to ourselves.
Naming Our Edge: Fear Inventory & Favorite Buttons
Using the fear list from page 48, we explored the fears we’ve either experienced directly or witnessed:
Fear of rejection or confrontation
Fear of being misunderstood or not enough
Fear of failure, abandonment, or emotional exposure
We tied these back to our “favorite buttons”—emotional triggers formed by past experiences. The question became:
What protective behaviors am I still running based on these outdated fears?
Truth bomb: “Most people’s buttons are connected to their favorite fear.” (p. 84)
The Illusion of Control: What Are We Really Managing?
In two larger groups, we completed the control assessment from page 69 and rated the universe’s friendliness on a 1–10 scale. Then came the real reckoning: What are we trying to control?
Finances. Others’ emotions. Career. Health. Love. Public image. Our partner’s tone. Even how much water someone else drinks.
Takeaway: The more we try to control, the more disconnected we feel. Getting Real invites us to replace control with curiosity and honesty.
Holding Space: Stoicism vs. Connection
Our most dynamic debate of the night: What does it actually mean to hold space?
Stoic Presence:
Resilient, stable, grounded like a tree
Practicing neutrality without reactivity
Powerful when used with discernment
Active Engagement:
Empathic feedback, micro-responses, reflection
“I hear you”—not to fix, but to feel with
Presence with heart
Big insight: There’s a difference between fawning and presence. Holding space doesn’t mean performing. It means being with.
Women Join: Wisdom from the Feminine
When the women entered, they reflected on what makes them feel truly heard:
“Presence over technique.”
“Ask what I need: do I want to be heard, helped, or held?”
“Let me feel your yes or no—don’t override your capacity.”
One voice captured the truth beautifully:
“I don’t need you to agree with everything—I need to feel like you’re actually with me.”
Integration: Knowing What’s Needed in the Moment
Stoicism is valuable when a container needs stability.
Active listening invites deeper emotional connection.
Reflection ensures clarity.
Physical presence offers grounding.
Our collective realization: No single tool is enough. Discernment—knowing what’s needed when—is the real skill.
Final Reflections: Strength is Responsiveness
We closed with our classic “I got you” circle, sending love to those who needed it and reaffirming our commitment to each other and this work.
The night was a reminder:
Growth happens in the balance of structure and surrender.
Healing happens in the presence of truth.
Connection happens when we choose real over rehearsed.
Reflective Questions:
Where in your life are you still trying to manage or control instead of telling the truth?
What’s one “favorite fear” that still shapes your emotional reactions?
What does true presence mean to you, and how can you offer it more authentically?
✨ Pick any or all questions to answer in the comments—and let us know which one you chose. Your truth might help unlock someone else’s.
Keep going within.
Much love,
Mantras